Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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