hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Damn victory sex feels great
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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