Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
