If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
