We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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