I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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