my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
