Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
why is half of my head shaved?
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