Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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