i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
