im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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