Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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