first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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