how can u be prego again
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
