Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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