Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
