i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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