Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize