Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
