she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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