bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
