I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
