Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
