just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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