Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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