dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
