I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
