hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
