Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
