My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
