Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
