My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
