In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
be right there i have to get my cape
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
