yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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