Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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