She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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