guys are only as good as the porn they watch
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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