I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize