good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
