Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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