I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
she peed on how many people?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
