god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
