she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
