but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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