im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
