Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
