It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
