i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
