you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
last night I used snow as a chaser
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
