It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
