I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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