Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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