so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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