okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
