it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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