i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
