I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
