I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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