I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
