I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize