I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
