So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
there is glitter all over my balls
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
