I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
