also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
