I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize