i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
