my phone cant type all the emotion im having
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
