who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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