My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
