eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
