:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
