Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
