Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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