So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
