I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
