i think my tv is drunk
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
