have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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